CHAPTERS

This series includes descriptions of racist attitudes, language, and behaviors from my own past. These accounts are specific and unvarnished. I share them to document one white person's journey toward understanding inherited racism—not to cause harm, but to tell this truth honestly.

Introduction - Raised Racist

I was born in January, 1961, the year “To Kill A Mockingbird” won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction. It was a story about racism and social injustice and was adapted into a film that, amazingly, went on to claim three academy awards the following year. Although the story was technically fiction, to many it was real and daunting.

I was raised in Jacksonville, Florida, a place known for race riots and Klan attacks. One such attack is famously known as Ax Handle Saturday. On August 27, 1960, the Ku Klux Klan led a white mob that violently attacked Black protesters who were engaged in a peaceful sit-in. Had my terrified mother—5 months pregnant with me at the time—not begged my deeply racist father to stay home that day, he would have been part of that white mob.

As a very small child, I remember my family talking about the dangerous riots and the scary N…s across town. We lived our racism openly and used all the familiar language that supported us doing so. Riding in the car with my mother one day, I saw a black lady waiting at a bus stop in our all-white suburban neighborhood. “Look Mommy, a N…!” I exclaimed. She shushed me and ordered me to roll the window up and lock the door. I can still see the deep sad frown on that lady’s face. How awful she must have felt, to hear those words from a small white child.

  • Delves into my parents' histories—from my father's isolated Montana upbringing to my mother's chilling memories of KKK rallies in Alabama—revealing how their own exposure to racism shaped the prejudices they would later pass down to me.  READ‍ ~7 min

  • Description text gFollows my precious bond with Nanny, a Black caretaker at my childhood nursery, and the heartbreaking moment when learned racism shattered our connection.  READ ~ 3 min

  • Exposes the casual cruelty of familial racism through childhood memories of 'games'—from my siblings' minstrel-style mockery to deliberate acts of public humiliation. This raw account reveals how racism was packaged as entertainment in white households. READ ~ 3 min

  • Confronts systemic racism in 1960s education through my third-grade memories of Miss Rosier, a Black teacher in our all-white school. Her daily struggle against student cruelty and institutional indifference reveals how desegregation policies often left Black educators to face hostility alone. READ ~ 6 min

  • Confronts the immediate aftermath of school desegregation in 1971 Jacksonville, as white families fled to private schools. Through my experience at a Christian school and an explosive confrontation over racism, the chapter reveals how religious institutions became havens for white flight. READ ~ 9 min

  • Confronts my first year of mandatory school integration at Rufus Payne, where childhood conflicts revealed deeper truths about systemic racism. Through a pivotal confrontation that exposed my own ingrained prejudices, the chapter examines how white flight became the reflexive response to desegregation, perpetuating the very segregation the law sought to end. READ ~ 4 min

  • Examines life after white flight in Clay County, where the near-absence of Black residents created an illusion of racial harmony. Through a pivotal encounter in high school gym class, the chapter reveals how suburban migration allowed white families to perpetuate segregation while pretending racial issues no longer existed. READ ~ 4 min

  • Follows my journey to San Antonio's Rigsby housing project at age 18, where my naive white perspective collides with complex realities. Through relationships with Shelly, Big Joe, and the residents, this chapter reveals how good intentions can mask deeper prejudices, and how grace sometimes comes from unexpected teachers. READ ~ 11 min

  • Examines the privilege of forgetting as I retreated into white spaces after San Antonio. Through an encounter between my girlfriend's racist father and a stranger, the chapter exposes how quickly white solidarity can form around shared bigotry, and how silence—my own included—perpetuates racism through the comfort of willful ignorance.  READ ~ 6 min

  • Chronicles my dual life in late 1990s New York City, where corporate America and spiritual community offered contrasting lessons in racial reality. READ ~ 13 min

  • A raw confrontation with my own white fragility, this chapter was by far my most difficult to write. Returning to the South after more than a decade in New York, I discover that unlearning racism isn't about reading the right books or saying the right things—it's about the humbling, exacting work of recognizing patterns so deeply ingrained they feel like truth. READ ~ 13 min

  • As this personal chronicle concludes, I reflect on what writing this series has revealed and the work that remains. From confronting painful truths about racism's persistence to finding unexpected moments of growth through discomfort, I explore why this journey—both personal and collective—remains inherently unfinished. READ ~ 9 min